What does friendship mean to you?


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To me it means being there. No matter what happens you are there for the people in your circle of trust. The thing about a circle of trust is however, that it has to be reciprocal. If it is not, then of course there isn’t a circle of trust. After years of building a circle of trust I am at the point of letting some of the people go.

It makes me sad that some of the people I trusted in fact didn’t act the way I did towards them. So I move on from trusting those folks. They will never know that I don’t trust them. They are too wrapped up in their own glory and success. In the end it is a sad fact that they will always be about them rather than about the team they could have been a part of.

Which is sad for them.

But right now, it is really sad for me.

I miss the old days when we all were in the circle and things moved forward. But I now accept that the circle is forever broken. I miss the halcyon days, but they are now gone. I am moving on to different things. The door that was opened by my trust is now locked against entry.

If one of them is reading this, although I would doubt they would cast themselves into this bin, then a simple apology would do at this point to being rebuilding the circle of trust. A simple “I didn’t treat you the way you treated me” would begin to heal the wound created. It wouldn’t fix the circle over night. That will take time.  Arrogance begets a child called hatred. Selfishness and “self aggrandizement” begets a child called bitterness.

The path we walk defines us as human beings. If our path has others at our feet then we are failures. The greatest achievement is to be considered a human being.

Good luck to those leaving the circle.

.doc

.doc

2 thoughts on “What does friendship mean to you?

  1. Friendship, to me, is the commitment to sacrifice time and effort on another’s behalf, with little or nothing expected in return. That level of commitment has to be two-way, or at a certain point the person making the effort feels used or duped. But if that level of commitment is reciprocal, and nurtured and deepeded over time, the friendship can become a phenomentally valuable asset for both parties.

    I think your “circle of trust” metaphor is right on. Discovering that people you thought were close have no commitment is very much like a betrayal of trust. I remember a new employee in a group who scheduled a lavish halloween party at his home for his 30-person MSFT workgroup at a mutually convenient time–a phenomenal effort for a couple 8 months along in a pregnancy. No one showed that evening, and only a couple of coworkers even had the courtesy to e-mail last-minute regrets. The party felt like a funeral, the tombstones in the front yard were highly appropriate, and the relationships never mended. The circle of trust was broken.

    Commitment matters.

    Bob

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