a bittersweet moment


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2.25 million steps. It simply amazes me when I think about it, not that I took that many steps but that I hadn’t know before just how much I walked every week. I actually find I take the long way now when possible to add steps to my day.

Today on this eve of eve day I am considering a number of things I haven’t thought about for awhile. The first is one that I talk about frequently but I sometimes forget to say it to them, I am proud of my children. They are great kids and are truly becoming wonderful human beings. I truly enjoy spending time with them, not because they are my kids and it’s a job or responsibility but because they are funny, creative and interesting people to talk to.

I remember the conflict from before and frankly having less conflict now is much easier to deal with.

Of course, they will leave someday. Grow up enough that they can separate and move on to their separate lives so there is a bittersweet set of memories and realities there. It makes me sad sometimes when I watch them and realize their time with me is slipping away.

.doc

Time is a cruel mistress


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25 more posts and I have achieved 1000 posts on two different blogs. Seems somehow amazing to me and I am but 50,000 steps away from 1.5 million steps since June. When I was a school teacher we used to celebrate millions day which is why I love it so much!

I’ve spent a lot of time over the years trying to find myself – I guess everyone does that to a degree. I’ve wanted to be a lot of things over the years. Some real some little more than imagination. I suspect as you get older you start to think about the things you sought more and less about the things you accomplished.  It is all part of the noise we live in day after day.

Right now the noise limits as much as it it does anything. I find myself lcoked in a process of trying to end the noise rather than focusing on moving forward. Time is a child that moves slowly until it catches and passes you, then it zooms away into the distance and you never catch up.

Time to get rolling!

.doc

2 days in an open boar in search of the sun…


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Has the time come to retire my personal lab? I have had my own computer lab in my basement for well since we lived in Cincinnati Ohio which is now nearly 14 years ago. Lately I find that I don’t use it at all other than occasional as a toy to consider. I spend more time building and playing with solutions that have nothing to do with servers anymore.

Is it time to move on? I don’t know yet, but I suspect it is.

Letting go of my lab means letting go of a piece of myself. I don’t know that I am ready for that, yet.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the people who have influenced me over the past decades of my life. I have come to realize that the most important thing for me as a person is a feeling of loyalty, both to the person and from the person who is teaching/helping/guiding/following me. I am not sure why loyalty is such a huge thing for me. It isn’t that I am disloyal myself, I tend towards loyalty to the end regardless. Its that it has become critical to me. Probably because over the past few years I can say that a number of people I was loyal to, weren’t as loyal as I thought they were. I suspect that is more painful than I realized until I started thinking about it.

What concerns me today is that maybe I am on the wrong side of the battle. Not the 300 valiantly defending the last pass between their civilization and destruction but rather just one more body on the way to an inevitable end. Is loyalty something that matters anymore? Am I teaching my children a skill that in the end won’t matter anymore?

I hope not.

.doc

Seven days journey in an open boat now in search of Sandler Boggs.


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When I was in college there was a building that was devoted to the ROTC program (but had a number of freshmen classes). As a freshman I used to visit that building twice a week. I was originally a poly sci major and that was the location of two large lecture halls. During that time I was introduced to the ongoing story of Fred a retelling of a religious doctrine featuring Fred as the deity. It was an interesting story and you waited for more chapters each week.

Over my years in college we gradually realized the mystery behind who was creating the story. It was a collaborative effort and we like so many other students joined in.  It was a youthful expression of things that could be.

As I think back to those days I wonder why I didn’t relish that time more. I was in a rush to get out into the world and make my way.  I guess it is part of growing up that you realize you left something on the table that you cannot return to get now.

I miss Fred. I wonder if his universe expanded beyond the 1980’s into the 90’s and beyond. Or did Fred, like so many other things simply fade to black – keeping the line from the Sound and the Fury by Faulkner relevant for another generation (“life is a tale told by an idiot. Full of sound and fury, it signifies nothing).

.doc

What the young man’s eyes saw


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A path to where I can see

from the hill you can see

more hills

that grow to mountains

wearing shorts and tromping around in creeks

chasing frogs and

mysterious enemies that hide

in the woods

and shot at

the playing mountains

but I

am beneath the hills line

and can only hear

the raucous laughter

of the playing mountains

jumping

craning

I cannot see

bound to the earth

by legs that cannot leap

cannot

distance themselves from the earth

enough

escape velocity being greater

than the force of piston calves

that plunging upward

fall faster than they rise

ending up in a deeper hole

than when they started

and I cannot see

more than before.

.doc

One less device to carry…


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Time to talk device reduction. After many years of being a devoted Archos fan, I’ve sold my last Archos media device. While the functionality of having 500 gigs available (therefore all my movies, pictures and audio) in one place was incredible, the android operating system is not ready for prime time. It just isn’t as easy to use and when you add the overall complexity of touch to the solution, it just isn’t there. In the old days the Archos devices were killer android certainly open a huge application window but it really throws a functionality monkey wrench into the functionality of the device.

So goodbye one device. Now I have to find the right new device for my picture and video collection (which is over 120 gig).

The other side of this equation is the broader needs. I talked a lot about this in my Syncverse series on my other blog and podcast. The issue is getting all my media into a series of devices. The new WebOS slate from HP gets close to that metaphor (storing everything in the cloud) but doesn’t address the more critical need for synchronization – getting it all into the same format that plays on any device.  So while we take one step forward, there is still one huge step to be taken, consolidation. One device that will place you above your media and documents. One device that will allow you to be you.

Enough of that…boring.

To make my life easier – I need an Ipod Touch with 500 gigs of storage. Or a Zune with 500 gigs of storage. At this point either works for me (they are both easy to use, sync etc) all though a windows phone 7 with 500 gigs of storage would be really nice…

 

.doc

Descartes how could you steer me so wrong?


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I think, therefore I am.

It seems such a simple thing, just think and you are. No children of a lesser god, mites floating on a spec of pollen caught on a flower and carried by an elephant. Just think and you. But in thinking we open a door to something that makes us hopefully question the fact that we in fact are.

I once thought doubt was the only child of ignorance and fear.

But doubt is truly the proof that you are.

Doubt is the child of understanding and thought.

Anyway enough with philosophers from 200+ years ago.

Some Random Thoughts:

  • Why is it that you teach your child to drive and everything is fine (a little tense but in the end ok) and then they drive alone for the first time and you panic? Do you doubt your own teaching, your own child or is it something else?
  • I just don’t get Thursdays.
  • Why ten fingers?
  • Why can’t my kids remember recycling?
  • I miss being a teacher.

.doc